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失去与放手

来源:英语学习网站 | 作者:英语网 | 本文已影响

人生即失去与放手,尤其是父母与孩子之间。正如龙应台所说:"所谓的父女母子一场,只不过意味着,你和他的缘分就是今生今世不断地在目送他的背影渐行渐远。你站立在小路的这一端,看着他逐渐消失在小路转弯的地方,而且,他用背影默默告诉你:不必追。"

失去与放手

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By Tim Lott

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The most resonant truth about children is that they disappear. Slowly, gradually, but eventually. Children in that sense are clocks, marking the passage of time with each new stage of growth. To see a child disappear—or rather, to become aware in any acute way of their disappearance—is to become aware of losing something you have loved more than anything you have loved in your life before, or will again.

Watching our children grow is—in an odd, inverted way—like watching our parents grow old and die. If we mourn in both cases it is perhaps because we are also weeping for ourselves—for our own impermanence, for our own mortality. For we also mark time, less visibly, in our own bodies.

As our children grow, we are also mourning the passing of a role—of ourselves as protectors, indispensable, loved passionately with the need and rose-colored tints only children and infatuated lovers can offer us. Think of how these processes of mourning are recorded in song, from "Slipping Through My Fingers All the Time" (Abba), "Brown Eyed Girl" (Van Morrison) to the even more heartbreaking "Turn Around". My favorite version, by Nanci Griffith, reduces me to tears (and that's not just a casual expression—it really does make me weep). And yet I go back to the song again and again. Why? What are the tears for? And why do I court them?

They are tears, partly, for loss. As such, they are simply sentimental—or at least, unnecessary. Because all life is entwined with loss. Transience is what makes life beautiful and worth living. All that comes and goes away is the heart of beauty. Children are simply the most vivid and meaningful examples of evanescence.

失去与放手

So, there are many kinds of tears. Perhaps we weep at a sad song about children growing up partly because we perceive the process as tragic. But they may also be tears of the recognition of beauty, because this changing is profound, and brings us most closely into touch with the heart of life itself.


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